Anger Awareness

Today’s lesson is on Anger.

A few years ago I learned that we can change our ways, even those ingrained in us by our upbringing. This does take awareness, time and patience. No one is transformed in one day. Remember “great oaks do not grow over night.” So once we are aware of the character trait that we want to change we can start making necessary steps to correct it. For instance, mine is anger. We all get angry which is not always a flaw. We have feelings and certain things upset us, that is ok but it is how we express that anger or what we do with it that might need to be adjusted.

Anger leads to bad things. In my case, my anger has caused me to throw things. I am ashamed to admit that but it’s true. It feels good at the time but really only for a second. Then I feel foolish that I did that and most likely broke something. Anger can also lead to hurting someone, whether it is with harsh words or actions. This may cause us to lash out in response and physically hurt someone or ourselves. We might say something we regret if we don’t take the time to stop first. Anger can lead us to giving in to temptation. An angry spouse might actually give in to cheating on their partner. Anger can lead to road rage thus causing an accident. Anger can lead us to drinking too much which leads to worse actions with greater consequences. Anger can lead us to doing something we later regret.

I grew up in a yelling household. My father’s angry voice was something we feared. He never hurt us physically but his voice expressed his feelings and that bark was worse than the bite. The whole family has picked up on this. My siblings all do the same. When I became a mom I saw myself heading in that direction and I truly hated it about myself. I did not like the way I felt after I began yelling. I did not like the look on my daughters face nor did I want her to pick up on it. There are certainly appropriate times for it but mostly it’s a rage I want to control and I usually feel it coming on as my blood begins to boil. So I have been managing that and controlling it as I feel it begin to happen. I can not say I have mastered this but I definitely can control it most of the time. Generally, I talk myself out of it and calm myself down before I yell or act out. A great little secret is, we can control ourselves in what we do or say. We can control our mind for our mind then controls our actions. This is a powerful tool and an on going lesson we should proudly work on. This is one of those good habit forming lessons, where if we are aware of this and work on it each time we will become better at it. “We gradually become brighter and more beautiful.”

There are other feelings hidden behind anger. It takes time to identify this but by doing so will help alleviate further problems from erupting. Usually we blame others for our anger. I have yelled “you are making me very angry!” I have found specific problems causing frustration which then leads to anger. Sometimes this happens while on the computer so I end up taking it out on the keyboard. The root cause of the anger is that I am not understanding the concept or taking the time to figure it out. Anger at my daughter boils down to her not behaving the way I want or expect her and I fear her disrespecting me in the long run. Parenting is an ongoing task. I have to remind myself she is five years old and still needs help along the way. Probably 70 to 80 % of my anger is a result of bad time management. I am always in a hurry and someone or something gets in my way! It’s not really their fault, they are not purposely messing with me I am just trying to beat the clock because I did not leave in the proper amount of time. So any little thing will make me late and I do not want to be late (again).

One last and important lesson I learned a couple years ago was when this man came into the gym and got on the machine I obviously had been waiting for. I was mad at him the remaining time I was there for cutting in front of me. I later learned that it was not necessarily him I should have been mad at. He had no idea I was waiting. I was mad at myself for not speaking up or saying anything. I let him do that and I was miserable for it. Since I am aware of this and am working on this recognition, I can live a little happier. There are all these factors and lessons and reasons for our anger. I once heard “behind anger is fear and hurt.” I always like to find the root cause of my anger and work on it from that end. Don't let anger cause you to do something you'll regret. Find the fear and hurt and work on that. We can control it before it controls us!

Be miserable or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s your choice. – Dr. Wayne Dyer.