Balancing Act: Present & Future Contentment

This is part of a continuation from what I have written previously about gratitude and being content; something I am working on in my own life and trying to find a balance. Balance is a beautiful thing. The ancient religion of Taoism represents this with the symbol of Yin Yang – the familiar black and white pieces that fit together forming a circle. This is the belief that the world works in harmony with opposite forces to create a whole, like light and dark, good and evil, sun, moon, male, female, etc. I am finding this balance in my own life. Currently though, I have been struggling between wanting and having and not in the sense of material things but an emotional satisfaction. I have been in mental conflict over this. I am trying to accept what I have and be content with that but I also know I have goals and dreams. I know I am exactly where I need to be at this moment and the right steps will take place for me to reach those dreams I have, one at a time. Unfortunately, my brain works in a logical way - I have to reach one goal in order to achieve the next, as if each one is a stepping stone to the next. That seems to make sense however I seem to miss out on certain opportunities because of it. For instance, I have kept my eye on a specific house for sale in the town I live. I finally found a house within my price range and the lay out seemed perfect for me and my daughter. Not too small, not too big; simple and pretty. I gave up the big -house -filled -with –kids- and -a- husband -desire to focus on the reality of my present situation. That’s when I found this house, watched them build it, went through it, excited for it; imagined how I would decorate and what it would be like living there. I drove by it all the time. Then early one morning, after I dropped my daughter off at school, I saw the house had a “SOLD” sign in front! I literally broke down and cried. I felt I lost another dream because I did not act on this house sooner. It’s like watching others live my dreams through a window. Even though I had the means to, I had not attempted to purchase the house prior because I needed some other things to fall in place first (sell my house in NY and find a job, etc). My five year old told me reassuringly, “we can buy a different house.” In a way, she is right, there will be others and obviously now was not the time. I believe and hope there is a better one out there for us. I just can’t help wonder what else I will lose in the mean time. But this is where I struggle with being content with my current situation and achieving my dreams. Most of the people I know are just living the life they have been given going day to day through their routine. I was going down that same path, happily, until my husband past away, leaving me with a freedom I have never had before. Right now I have no limitations, nothing holding me back and I am overwhelmed by the possibilities - I know there is more out there for me, I have a whole world to explore, an empty canvas to paint! I can’t help wonder now what my next steps are. Perhaps I was to lose that house in order to figure this out. I was not meant to settle here just yet. Contentment comes with that, I suppose.